从她蹒跚学步的时候开始，my husband and I had been instructing Caly on how to be self-controlled.The older she got,我们越相信她懂得如何控制自己，但情绪的爆发仍在继续。
Self-control had become a clear obedience issue.卡利需要始终如一，爱，为了完成和加强她的自我控制墙的纪律（prov.6:23，29:17,希伯。12:5-11）。
合理和善的养育要求，首先，我们把标准定得很低。To expect consistent self-control,we needed to give her a standard she could attain.
第一，I simplified Caly's life for an extended season.I pulled her out of play dates.她已经在床上的时候，我就跑腿。我保持着井然有序的日常生活。我们大部分时间都呆在家里，尽可能地让卡利的生活变得可预下载兴发pt首页登录测。小心砌砖需要一只稳重的手；I couldn't build a strong wall of self-control amidst a hectic life.
Second,I sought to eliminate unnecessary temptations.例如，we didn't insist on certain eating habits,and at 下载兴发pt首页登录times when she was especially tired or vulnerable I would create a place where she could play alone without the temptation of other children.通过尽可能消除诱惑，我们可以把重点放在几个简单的领域。
Then we had to discipline consistently.We can't expect our children to learn consistent self-control from inconsistent parenting.当我们亲切地训练时，耐心地，每一次违规，我们都看到了卡利生活的改变，even more quickly than we expected.这次集中训下载兴发pt首页登录练使我们在帮助她建立自我控制的墙方面取得了很大的进展。
随着时间的下载兴发pt首页登录推移，正如卡利学会了自我控制的日常习惯，we were able to expand her horizons.We began to participate in more activities,进行自发的郊游，关注其他的训练问题（比如吃豌豆！）Through consistent discipline,Caly acquired the ability to respond with emotional self-control to all kinds of unexpected situations.
I don't know exactly when God chose to reveal Himself to Caly,但我想大概是在这个时候。下载兴发pt首页登录In his kindness,he has given her a heart to know and follow Him and I pray those affections only grow as the years go by.
Ever wish your day came with one of those restart buttons??
Church was over,但不是卡莉在哭。She had been crying through most of the service,尽管我努力了，她就是不停。I snaked my way through the crowded church lobby with my emotional child,trying to look cheerful and composed.
养育一个情绪化的孩子是一种情感体验.I cried a lot in those early years of training Caly.It wasn't just the lack of sleep or the long,筋疲力尽的日子或尴尬的处境，all of which took their toll—most of all it was the feeling of hopelessness that hung over me because all my efforts to teach Caly self-control seemed to be making little or no difference at all.
我是如此努力地要忠诚。为什么没有什么进展？Shouldn't it be working by now??
我妈妈鼓励我坚持下去。她向我保证，总有一天我的努力会取得成果。I had to believe God's Word that as I was faithful to parent,上帝会忠实地带来果实。
"它提到了一个特定的时刻，好的训练尤其会结出果实下载兴发pt首页登录，—‘when a child is old.' Surely there is comfort in this…It is not God's way to give everything at once.‘Afterward' is the 下载兴发pt首页登录time when he often chooses to work,无论是在自然的事物中，还是在恩典的事物中……“之后”都是父母看到不立即成功时必须期待的时刻，下载兴发pt首页登录—you must sow in hope and plant in hope.""
Sow in hope.在希望中生长父母希望上帝能带来丰收。这是处理我们作为母亲的恐惧和绝望情绪的关键。兴发xf881手机版
Fast-forward six years later to another Sunday morning.服务结束了，我正和另一个情绪激动的孩子推着一辆双人婴儿车穿过拥挤的教堂大厅，我三岁的儿子，哈德森。Only this 下载兴发pt首页登录time I have a one-year old in the front and two older girls beside me.It is Caly all over again,还有三个孩子在后面。
除了，这次，下载兴发pt首页登录我不想哭。事实上，I can almost manage a half-smile.当然，我累了，exhausted in fact;and it is tough caring for another emotional child.这一次，下载兴发pt首页登录though,我有更多的希望。
卡利走在我身边，calm,obedient,and helpful.She is a reminder to me of the faithfulness of God.She is a reminder to me to persevere in teaching Hudson self-control,,在希望中.
我有希望，因为神的丰盛信实，one day—even if it is one day far away—I might leave church and no one will be crying.
教我们的孩子how to handle their feelings是一些“grunt work"of mothering.It doesn't感觉fun,对于我们或我们的孩子，but it creates an environment in which we can experience wonderful,bonding,和孩子们在一起的时刻。More importantly,我们正在为福音种子耕田。下面是教孩子们的一些实际想法self-control with their emotions.
Model Self-Control:Instead of panicking when they panic or getting angry when they scream,我们对这种情况做出了自我控制的反应。My husband and I often try to help our children by responding with affectionate amusement when they overreact.My husband tries to make them laugh when they cry over nothing;they feel his care and at the same 下载兴发pt首页登录time they learn how to exercise emotional self-control.
练习自我控制：Emotional self-control is easier when a child has learned self-control with their speech and actions.Consider: How can you make"practicing self-control"你日常生活的一部分？Listening without interrupting at the dinner table,设定静坐下载兴发pt首页登录和阅读的时间，晚上躺在床上，not grabbing toys,或者在所有这些练习之外握着你的手会帮助你的孩子学习自我控制的价值。
不要总是自律：我们必须非常小心地区分孩子气的旺盛或疲惫和真正的不服从。一个过度疲劳或长牙的孩子如果不停地哭，就需要好好睡一觉。A child who is noisy or silly or gets on your nerves might need forbearance more than discipline.On the other hand,作为父母，我们必须有敏锐的洞察力和勤勉的精神来应对挑战，repetitive,behaviors that reveal a concerning lack of self-control.
~Memorize Bible verses (Prov.25:28,1科尔9:24-27，女孩。5:22-24,1提姆。2、9、提。1:7，2 Pet.1:5-8）。
~讲和/或读一些能显示自我控制的祝福的故事。Saturate their hearts and minds with narratives that highlight the blessings of self-control.
~在孩子们中间有自我控制标签图表或比赛。Encourage them to notice and encourage self-control in each other.
Helping our children筑起一堵自控墙is a lengthy,不迷人的，过程，但最终的目标很漂亮，fulfilling,and God-glorifying for our families.Don't lose sight of it!!
Just a reminder that this Friday,5月23日是最后一天再生木标志in 下载兴发pt首页登录time for Father's Day.
"God's guidance will require patience on our part.他的领导通常不是直接的保证，a revelation,但他对我们生活环境的控制，以上帝的话为准则。It is therefore,inevitable that the unfolding of His purposes will take 下载兴发pt首页登录time—sometimes a very long time."Sinclair B.Ferguson
编者按：我们将讨论这个问题。”感情“按时间顺序排列，从很小的孩子开始。Today Janelle kicks us off by talking 兴发xf881手机版about how we can help our toddlers begin to learn how to handle their emotions.
My oldest daughter,Caly,从第一天开始就很激动。如果我不想让她哭，我就抱着她，或者在她房间外面打开吸尘器。这是我唯一的两个选择。She cried in the car,她在婴儿床上哭了，she cried all the 下载兴发pt首页登录time.
这无疑是一个即将到来的迹象。作为一个幼儿和学龄前儿童，卡莉是我见过的最情绪化的小女孩。We're talking meltdowns over her dollhouse being moved to a different room,freak-outs from watching Baby Einstein,在表妹把她抓到的玩具还给她很久之后，她伤心地哭泣着，every day,一整天。
情绪化的花萼为情绪化的妈妈而生。我经常和她下载兴发pt首页登录一起哭，and some days I wanted to scream with her,也是。Besides being my shoulder to cry on,我妈妈也帮助我关注母亲的一个目标：教我控制自己。
她一长大，Mike and I began to train Caly to control her emotions.Whenever she would start to overreact (read all day long!) we would calmly instruct her to place her hand on her mouth and quiet down.这个简单，specific action helped her regain her composure and made self-control an obedience issue.Then we would explain what self-control should look like and instruct her to remove her hand and respond in a self-controlled manner (e.g.ask kindly,高高兴兴地玩,别哭了，等等）。
我们没有问她什么感觉。兴发xf881手机版We didn't have long conversations exploring her emotions.我们没有试图跟她讲道理。我们没有辩护或操纵，哄骗或贿赂。We didn't even talk a whole lot 兴发xf881手机版about how emotions are a gift from God or about their God-given purpose.We were not angry or harsh.We were deliberately calm and tender in how we spoke to her.但我们坚定团结地教这个小女孩一个简单的真理：上帝希望卡利学会控制她的情绪。
我们似乎扼杀了一个年轻女孩的萌芽情感，but our goal was quite the opposite.We wanted to teach Caly how to control and handle her feelings so that she would be able to experience and express her emotions in the way God intended—as a gift from him for his glory.
The first step was to help her build a wall:"A man [or a little girl] without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls""（箴言）25:28）
卡利是这首诗的生动写照，her little soul an exposed and ransacked city,completely overrun by her barbarian emotions because she had no solid,保护性的，wall of self-control.
Emotional walls are usually thought of negatively these days.我们把他们看作是情感上不安全的障碍，或是伤害那些试图阻止自己远离他人或根本感觉不到任何东西的人。墙=坏的。So goes the conventional wisdom,and in many cases this is probably true.
But a wall of self-control is not like the Berlin Wall,erected to entrap and exclude.It is a wall like that of an ancient city or of a beautiful estate that needs protection in order for the inhabitants to dwell in peace.
我们亲眼目睹了这一切发生在我们小女孩的生活中。卡利现在八岁了，and she has learned how to handle her emotions.不是说她有时也不挣扎，下载兴发pt首页登录但她和以前不同了。
她不是一个压抑或不动感情的孩子，but happy and expressive.She feels things strongly and deeply,and is especially sensitive to the things of God.她经常祈祷，有一种永不满足的渴望去读她的圣经，经常承认自己的罪行，为自己的罪和别人的罪忧愁，对分享和爱他人感到兴奋，并兴发xf881手机版鼓励她的兄弟姐妹和表兄弟姐妹也这么做。
I believe her emotions toward God are so strong because,上帝的恩典，they have been able to flourish behind a strong wall of self-control.在那堵艰辛的坚固墙后面，也许看不那么吸引人——一个充满敬神情怀的花园在甜蜜的安全和保护下成长。